Just please drop it. September 24, 2007
Posted by mindlessman in Religion.2 comments
My mom called today. I’d been meaning to call my parents, but I knew why I was hesitant. And I knew exactly what she wanted to talk about.
She went over the usual stuff for awhile, and then, BAM!: Do you still believe in god?
To be honest I don’t even know anymore. I almost don’t see the point. I want to, but I guess I need what every person questioning their faith needs. A sign. Or something close to it.
Hell, I’m not even sure I feel anything anymore. I am a morale person becouse I know it’s the right thing to do, and alot of it is law. But I don’t feel it. It’s hard to explain. I’ve never been a social person. I don’t get it. Half the time I just don’t know what to say. Actually, thats most of the time, especially in large crouds. Socializing and interacting with groups of people is hard for me, so hard that I sometimes avoid it just so I don’t feel uncomfortable, and for the one thing that I know will happen, being left out. If I go to a party, even with friends, I end up sitting there drinking a beer watching tv or something while everyone else is chatting up and having fun. Maybe it’s them, maybe it’s me. I don’t really know, I just know that it sucks.
It’s almost like that show Dexter on showtime. I can fake it, but I don’t get it. Emotion doesn’t really become me. About the only emotion I know is extremes one way or the other. Sure, I can laugh and have fun at work and with friends at times, but thats normal (i guess). And who knows, it could just be a case of depression with a chemical imbalance that causes anti-socialism. But, that would require a therapist and drugs. And I don’t want drugs, and I don’t want drugs to change who I am. I smoke pot to laugh and have a good time right before I go to sleep.
And that goes back to the first part. Why does god make my life suck so much? I can’t ever get ahead in life. I have constant pain in my knee. I get a headache whenever I put my glasses on (well, not a headache really, just massive pain behind my ear). I’m always broke and can never seem to save anything to get my ass out of these shithole apartments. I just want something good to happen for once. Let me win the lotto, heel my knee (without surgery and 3 months off work), hell, just take the fucking pain away from my head. If not that, then maybe the one thing I think about always when driving. I get t-boned and fucked up. At least that’d be a change from this life.
Lets just get it out of the way September 17, 2007
Posted by mindlessman in Greenage, Politics, Religion.add a comment
Lets go over a bit of background of myself concerning the topics of this place.
Politics: I’ve always thought of myself as a Republican (and don’t stereotype me just becouse of that!), mainly becouse that was the way I was raised. It was all I knew. I stayed that way just due to the fact they shared a few common ideals based on my religious views. Lately, however, I’ve been questioning this party. You can totally thank that jackass in charge for this. W and his heart impaired lackey have fucked us over time and time again and he needs to go. 1-20-09 just cant get here fast enough. I’m not saying I’m about to turn from red to blue, but maybe a little purple.
Religion: Well, here we go. I was raised in the standard christian faith, which I guess is why I also always went with the republican side of things. However, I have no problem with people who wish to believe something else, or even quite simply nothing at all. I do, however, get tired of all the bullshit I read (especially on sites like digg.com) about how retarted I am just becouse I wish to believe in something greater than myself. I hate being labeled as a “creationist” just becouse I believe in god. Fuck that label. As you can see, I’m not your typical christian. I choose to still believe becouse I want to, not becouse anyone says I should or should not. Fuck Dawkins and his bullshit. Just becouse he can deny and debate bullshit like no one else, doesn’t necessarily mean he is right or wrong. I don’t care what he thinks. If he is so awesome, then why does he feel the need to belittle anyone who has some sort of faith?
Greenage: I am totally 420 friendly. I believe it should be legal, yet regulated….lightly. However, I don’t totally believe I’m a pothead. Why? Becouse I don’t smoke all that much. I don’t wakenbake, I don’t drive high, and don’t smoke just sitting around the house all day. I wait until I am out of work, done with all errands and chores, and can just sit down and watch tv, smoke a bowl, and drink beer until I fall asleep.
